The Well Heeled Pilgrim

Silly me.

For better than 35 years now, I've been laboring under the mistaken notion that walking is free. I found out today how wrong I was.

Admittedly, I hadn't given much thought to the actual outfitting for this pilgrimage. Sure, I've had a list of gear in the back of my mind, at least vaguely. But beyond a backpack and some good boots, I really haven't given it a lot of thought.

In light of the fact that I'm moving to Paris in 47 days though, I've been forced to think about it more clearly for economic reasons. The fact is, buying my gear here in the U.S. will be much cheaper than buying it in Europe.

With that in mind, I headed over to Massey's Professional Outfitters today. Massey's is a local Louisiana outfit that has everything you'd ever need to conquer the great outdoors. When my travel has been extreme (-40 degrees in the Siberian Arctic in February, for example), it is where I've geared up. However, because their gear is top-of-the-line, it is easy to go broke in Massey's.

When I told the sales guy I was going to walk the Camino he gave me a knowing look and walked me over to the backpacks. There he displayed a dazzling array of the latest high-tech carrying equipment that could be relied upon to summit Everest.

No, dude. I'm going for a walk. A long walk, I'll grant you. But I'll never be more than ten clicks from the next town. He finally relented and showed me what he thought was the minimum acceptable pack for the job. It was beautiful. Internally framed with high-tensile strength lightweight aluminum rods, 60 liter capacity, integrated water system, a mesh/foam shield to wick the sweat from your back and keep you cool, this bag had everything. A far cry from the old-school ALICE pack I carried for years in the Marines. And bargain priced at $260.

To put this into perspective, I have basically spent the last 20 years of my life traveling. In that time, I've had my boots on the ground of four continents and dozens of countries. I've probably been thrown out of more countries than the average guy visits in his life. And I still haven't spent $260 on luggage. Total.

I tell him about a $60 pack I saw on Amazon and he almost falls over. He explains to me that $60 packs cause kidney stones, get you strip-searched by the cops, and often spontaneously combust on the trail, incinerating their wearer. I'm understandably skeptical. Sensing my resistance, he moves me to the next piece of essential equipment.

When it comes to underwear, I like to think I'm as exotic as the next guy. My underwear drawer boasts boxers and boxer/briefs. Some of them even have Homer Simpson on them! No tighty whities for this kid.

Imagine my surprise when I was presented with underwear the Space Program probably doesn't even have yet. I don't even really know how to describe these things, other than to say that they most closely resembled what you might see a fat German guy wearing at the beach. Minus the black socks and sandals.

The sales guy explained that at only $30 a pair (you can't make this stuff up), you were getting the ultimate in men's intimate apparel. Some kind of dry-weave technology kept the sweat off of you. You really only had to own two pair, one to wear and one to wash for the next day. There was even some kind of anti-odor technology. I really didn't want to pursue this line of explanation any further. The sales guy was on a roll, though. Plunging headlong into the territory of too much information, he volunteered that he was wearing a pair right now. Ughhh.

Boots, walking sticks, hydration equipment, the list went on and on. How early pilgrims made this journey with no money, begging the whole way, now sounded a lot more authentic to me. I could've easily dropped a grand in there today. It has inspired me to go swiftly in the opposite direction.

This walk is meant to be, among other things, a penance. Using $1,000 or more on gear to make the walk comfortable defeats the purpose. I have decided that my total gear budget will be $200. If the trek is more painful because of this decision, I'll be the better man for it. Besides, Catholic Relief Services could really use the extra $800 right now. I'll just take my chances with the exploding backpack.